Our Beautiful Victory

Our Beautiful Victory,

We cannot thank you enough for all the unconditional love, joy, light, and loyal companionship you brought to our lives. You are my first “fur daughter,” and you were truly ensconced in every aspect of our lives. You opened my heart more than I could have ever envisioned. We believe Biscuit sent you to us, a few months after his passing. Your presence in our lives has truly been a gift. We never took a day with you for granted. With tears welling up, I inherently knew someday your body would no longer be here; however, on the evening of October 6, when you took your last breaths, all three of us held your fragile body with tears streaming down our faces. It felt sudden and surreal, because we never wanted you to leave us. We know you did not want to leave us either, but your body would not allow you to stay in your physical form. The pain of losing you is tremendous. I do not have words to describe how my whole body aches and longs for you. Even with this indescribable pain, we would never relinquish our collective pain and grief if it meant foregoing the gifts of your unconditional love, joy, light, companionship, and protection you gave to me and our little family.

You have been only gone for three weeks, but it feels like an eternity. You have been a member of our family for 12 years, and it was not enough time with you. We are lost without you. We find ourselves looking for you each morning to take you out for morning potty, only to realize you are not physically here. During the night, I put my hand above my head to rub your body, where you slept against the headboard, only to remember you are not there. We look for you during each meal. You were always right there with us, nudging tirelessly for food. You were always so persistent—putting your entire snout on our legs while you looked up at us with your beautiful, kind, warm, brown eyes for another treat! I also look for you throughout the day, thinking it is time to take you out for potty. But I realize you are not here and the permanency of losing you sinks in. I truly miss giving you belly rubs and armpit rubs as part of your nightly “tuck in.” I can almost close my eyes and envision giving you a belly rub, my hands feeling your tummy and fur. You relaxed your entire body, and looked at me with those soulful brown eyes and smiled. We miss taking you out to dinner at our favorite restaurants and to Bruster’s for ice cream, one of your absolute favorite places! I miss our morning walks, and taking you for daily walks in your pet rover. Oh, how you loved the yellow pet rover that Alex picked out for you! I can close my eyes and see the sun shining down on you while your golden fur blew in the wind. You always loved the fresh air. When we opened up the house, you frequently sat near a window, taking it all in. Most of all, I truly miss your companionship, laying by me while I worked. We miss everything about you.

I am forever grateful for all of your companionship. You helped me through so many ups and downs, and everything in between, throughout the 12 years we spent together—in fact, you have been with us for over half the time your Daddy and I have been together. You helped get me through a complicated process to start our family, which led to Alex! You always hopped into bed with me whenever I felt sick or exhausted, for which I am very grateful. In fact, your Daddy gave you the nick-name: “Canine Compassionate Caregiver.” You lived up to this title in every way. I never felt alone with you by my side; you provided me with endless comfort and love. You were at the hospital the morning after Alex was born; it was so special and memorable. You intuitively knew when one of us did not feel well. In fact, I vividly remember you literally licking the mucus off Alex’s nose and face when she was sick as a baby. Fortunately, I have videos of this to share with Alex. We loved going on our family vacations with you! You loved the beach—I can close my eyes and see you walking effortlessly on the beach with your big, beautiful smile. We loved celebrating your birthdays together each fall. You truly loved eating an unfrosted vanilla cupcake, a treat on your birthday, along with custom cakes with your likeness! You were always so cooperative for photos, for which I am very thankful. We believe you know how important you are to each one of us. I am also very grateful for you literally being by my side as I created ABANDONED: Chronicling the Journeys of Once-Forsaken Dogs. I could not have finished this long-term project without you. Whenever I felt doubt, fear, or frustration, you inspired me to keep going, knowing the book could help other dogs like you and Biscuit. I am forever grateful you were here when ABANDONED was released. I will never forget being on CBS Mornings with you, a highlight we will forever share together! I will always remember you walking through the CBS Mornings’ studio with such confidence and grace. I will also always savor the memory of you walking so proudly in Central Park. You were so incredibly happy—you were beaming with radiance!

Your Daddy loves you to the moon and back. He would have done anything for you. He especially loved laying on the sofa, while you laid on his chest and he petted and talked to you! He said your beautiful guard furs and your smile are firmly imprinted in his heart and mind. Your Daddy always said you had the last laugh! You arrived at the Michigan Sheltie Rescue from a hoarding house in Western Michigan. You were emaciated and scared after living in such horrible conditions. With time, patience, and love, you blossomed into a beautiful, confident, loving little sheltie girl, who enjoyed a high standard of living! It is hard to imagine another sheltie from that hoarding house had a life as good as yours! So, hopefully, you are truly having the last laugh!

Your sister, Alex, loves you so very much. You taught her so much about love and kindness just by being yourself. Alex cares deeply for animals. She is very kind to and ardently aware of animals because of you. She will never, ever forget you, and we talk together about you daily. Alex loves you dearly. She especially loved when you licked her face, a sign of your steadfast affection. She loved how you waited in her room each evening to read together and do her “tuck in.” She loved taking you for ice cream and sharing a vanilla ice cream cone! We are lucky to have photos and videos we can look at together. These provide a small measure of comfort. You are her “big fur sister” whom she has known since birth. This is such a huge, painful loss for all of us, especially for Alex. We think about you all the time, and we know that you will live forever in our hearts. We wish you were still here. 

I want to thank for teaching me so many things. Most importantly, you continue to teach me so much about myself. You are truly a gift to our entire family. We made an altar with your ashes, photos, and memorabilia, so Alex has a place to be with you. The Chaplain from Alex’s school recently visited the house to offer prayers and blessings in your honor. Alex will miss you at Halloween this year; it will be her first Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas without you, which is difficult to fathom. We know you are always with us, but wish you could be here physically—it is just not the same without you here. We are presently working on other ways to help commemorate your life and contributions to our family.

You are a magnificent being, a gift to our family, and you will forever be our “beau, beau chien,” a fitting nick-name coined when you visited Quebec on several occasions. I am so incredibly grateful for our time together. You are my teacher. You continue to teach me about myself, including how to be a better human. We are all honored to have been your family. Your photographs will always be proudly displayed in our home. Your image will forever appear in ABANDONED. Your memory will never leave our hearts. Your legacy will live on and we know you, like Biscuit, will send us another rescue sheltie who needs us as much as we need him or her. Thank you for all of the joy, love, light, and loyal companionship you brought to each one of us. You are truly a wonderful gift and blessing. We know that we will see each other again someday, and we know that you are always with us. We miss you deeply. You were always there for each one of us. We were always enveloped in your love; and each day with you was truly a gift.

“There is a cycle of love and death that shapes the lives of those who choose to travel in the company of animals. It is a cycle unlike any other. To those who have never lived through its turnings or walked its rocky path, our willingness to give our hearts with full knowledge they will be broken seems incomprehensible. Only we know how small a price we pay for what we receive; our grief, no matter how powerful it may be, is an insufficient measure of the joy we have been given.” —Suzanne Clothier

Here is the last video of our girls together.